It's Snowing!!...Oh Wait, It's Stopped/Bob Smith Has A Foul Mouth

I just love how every time it snows, the news channels freak out and act like the country is about to implode. News 24 has essentially been like this for the last few days:

Huw Edwards: And our top story tonight is OMFG SNOW!!!! It will kill us all, and disrupt our travel plans!
Now we go to Bob Smith, who's in Yorkshire.

Bob Smith: Yes Huw, IT'S FUCKING SNOWING!!! Look at the snow! Look at the cars-they're stuck. IN THE SNOW. Holy shit, here's a gritter. Now would be a good time to warn you of the possible grit shortage. Yes Huw, you heard me-a grit shortage. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse.

Huw Edwards: Thanks Bob. Now over to Sarah Parker. Sarah's in Scotland, where the worst of the snow is.

Sarah Parker: Scotland. The big one. You think you've seen snow, think again. Scotland's snow dicks all over England's snow. Look how deep it is! This is scary stuff people, the people of Scotland are literally on fire. Why? Because that's what Scotland's death snow does damn it! IT MAKES YOU GO ON FIRE!!! Only the fire doesn't even melt the death snow BECAUSE IT'S MAGIC! Evil magic. Back to you Huw.

Huw Edwards: Bloody hell. Now that's what I call snow. Finally, we go to James Green in Alnwick. James, what's it like up there?

James Green: Arctic conditions up here Huw, Jesus it's cold. Oh and by the way, the snow here is totally death snow too. I'm thirty-two miles away from the border! That's practically Scotland-you tell that to Sarah. I hate it when she comes back, showing off about how she braved the Scottish death snow. THERE'S PEOPLE ON FIRE HERE TOO!! God, I hate her so much. Look at me! I'm braving the ice to walk around interviewing shop keepers. You don't see her doing that do you? Oh and another thing-

Huw Edwards: Err...that's all we have time for James. Thank you for that. Now we go to the weather with Tomasz. Why do you have that look on your face? Is there going to be more snow? ARE WE GOING TO DIE?! Just tell me! *bursts into tears*

By the way, I have this whole back story in my head as to why James hates Sarah so much. It involves her getting all the best on-location reports during the SARS/bird flu/swine flu/Legionnaires/*insert killer pandemic here* stories. Jealousy is a terrible thing.

It's Snowing!!...Oh Wait, It's Stopped/Bob Smith Has A Foul Mouth